Monday, April 11, 2011

Limerick-Off Monday

(Click on the headline to access Mad Kane's Limerick-Off Monday.)

My attempts, using the line "A gal who seemed guileless and sweet" as the start:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Opted for a kooky sort of treat
Instead of coffee -
Or chocolate, or toffee
She preferred to eat – ugh – boiled sugar beet.

Or a slight variation thereof:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Would find the weirdest things to eat
When it was time for dessert
She’d eschew cookies and sherbert.
Oddly, boiled sugar beet was her favourite treat.

I can't say I'm particularly pleased with either of these. I might add one or two more if I can manage to shift my brain away from boiled sugar beets.

Update: The first version, improved 100% with Madeleine's tweaks (and comments) reads thus:

"Shammy your first version is much better meter-wise, but could use some meter tinkering. Here’s one possibility:

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Did opt for a kooky type treat.
Not ice cream or coffee
Or chocolate, or toffee –
Her preference - ugh – boiled sugar beet."

Thanks for your help, Madeleine!


Madeleine Begun Kane said...

I'm glad to see you limericking once again. :)

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

You're very welcome. :)

Anu said...

Nice one!

Reminded me of a classic - don't know the exact words - but it was about how a "fowl" - a busterd wasn't reduced to illegitimacy because of a single "vowel"!

Shammi said...

Hehe :) I like that! Sounds like an Ogden Nash one.

Inspiration said...

A wonderful post! Cool!

A4ISMS said...

I loved yours... they sparked off the dormant creativity in me. So sorry for taking liberties with your space, but I'd like to share mine with you:
A gal who seemed guileless and sweet
Was nothing but a blatant cheat,
She’d pretend and lie
And when caught, she’d cry,
Or Whine, whimper and bleat.

A gal who seemed guileless and sweet,
Would wheedle her pals for treat,
She’d wash down full meal,
And wolf down with zeal,
And gobble up till she’s replete.