Monday, January 12, 2009

Epiphany in the run-up to the 40th...

After years of arrogant dismissal of the efforts by various actresses to stay beautiful, to recapture the glory of their youth, I now understand a fraction of just how desperate they must have felt/be feeling. I’m no beauty and never have been… but when I came across a photo of myself that had been taken a few years back in India, I couldn’t help thinking that I wanted to look that way again (clear skin, no wrinkles), to recapture that smug feeling that the future wasn’t going to happen to me, that I wasn’t going to look older even if I grew older.

And that’s when the epiphany happened.

If I - who had never been a beauty even in the eyes of family and friends, much less tasted international success and been the object of adulation by millions of people for years - could feel regret for the passing of the years and most of my youth, how much worse would it be for the world’s most beautiful women (and to some extent men) to be in that situation? To know that you’re no longer beautiful in the world’s eyes; to see other, younger women getting all the attention and adulation that you thought was permanent, that almost felt like your right to command; to see in the mirror (and in photos and magazines and books) your face growing older; to realise that it’s an unstoppable decline that no amount of Botox or wealth can restore…

How infinitely worse it must be for them - to have had it all, and then to lose it merely because the years have gone by. I can’t even begin to imagine, because I’ve never had it. Speaking from second-hand experience, great beauty doesn’t seem to bring great happiness... it only seems to make insecurities worse.

So, of late, when I see beautiful people struggling, sometimes ridiculously, against Time, what I feel is no longer disdain… it’s turned into pity.

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**This, by the way, is my 400th post.**

9 comments:

rads said...

Congratulations on the 400th. :)

It is an unsettling thought alright.

ra said...

Happy birthday in advance? When is it?
But I always thought you were supermodel material.

Teesu (very very Indian, very very good) said...

Congrats on 400th post and what a profound one it is:) I think you can either apply the 'better to have been beautiful and lost it than not to have been beautiful at all' principle, or, acknowledge that beauty does lie in the eyes of the beholder, so only worry about your own situation (selfless attitudes!).
Anyway for the record, I think you are damn cute, not to mention damn damn smart, so...BLEAH to so-called skin-deep beauty helped along by artificials(which of course I don't have either;)) he he.
Also, I don't think one's own relatives will harp on one's own beauty...will they??So I would n't go by THAT.

30in2005 said...

Looks shmooks. We only need an inner beauty and that my friend from every word read on this blog I can say is shining through. Happy birthday....

ra said...

congrats on the 400th!

ammani said...

Congratulations on the 400th!

You know what they say about those that are born pretty? It's like being born with a fortune and watching it slowly dwindle away.

As for you, I think you're one attractive woman. Surely you should know that by now!

??! said...

Daaaaahlin', the clever ones bathe in virgins' blood every alternate new moon. No more lines...just lots of goo.

CW said...

400th?! Congrats!!

And a very happy 40th too!

floreta said...

this is why i try not to place too much emphasis on beauty. parts of me want to be a model but i think, what's the point? i don't want to place my talents on something as fleeting and impermanent as youthful beauty. there are better, more lasting things that i care about, like writing ;)