Sunday Scribblings - "Quitting"

Traditionally, quitting isn’t something that’s looked upon with favour. With the possible exception of the act of giving up smoking, quitting always seems to have negative connotations. Quitters are seen as losers. People who persevere at things they don’t like, who continue doing something that gives them no pleasure, who continue with what does not come naturally to them… such people are seen as admirable. The unhappier you are at what you do, the more you do it – because if you give up doing it, you’re a loser.

All the emphasis is on trying again and again and again… sometimes you achieve success, but more often than not, you don’t. All that you’re left with is the exhaustion of endless toil – no joy, no peace, no satisfaction. People spend their entire lifetime not quitting… and what an awful pity that is, most times.

Quitting isn’t such a terrible thing. Have you ever felt the blessed relief of just giving up something you don’t like doing, something for which you don’t have any real aptitude? Have you ever given up something and secretly felt a huge load taken off your back - even though you felt guilty about it? I know I did.

In higher secondary school, I started out taking computer science as an elective because I was in the commerce stream (with accountancy and economics), and computer science was the “logical” choice – it would give me better options for a suitable degree when it came to college and thence in finding employment. But I sucked at it (as much as I did at accountancy and mathematics), so in my final year I gave up computer science to study history instead. It was that or fail the year and thereby screw up my life entirely.

I didn’t check with my parents (I wasn't living with them, in any case) when I made this decision – I don’t think I considered it a decision, even. I didnt debate it in my mind or anything, it didn't seem that big a deal. It was just instinctive. But I guess it came as an unpleasant surprise to them when they learnt that I’d quit computer science, just like that.

To me, the pleasure of finally doing something I liked and was good at, was somewhat mixed because of the side of guilt that came with it. But that guilt, I realised a lot later, arose from letting down other people’s expectations of me. Because, for myself, all I felt was utter relief, an easing of the pressure that I hadn’t even known was so heavy. I had no expectations of myself in the subjects I disliked, other than scraping by with enough marks to pass the final exams every year.

So, to put it baldly, I quit computer science (and accountancy and maths and economics as well, when I thankfully chose to study English Literature in college). Would it have done me any good to continue with the subjects I hated, rather than quit them? Built "character"? I don’t think so! If I’d somehow scraped through with a pass in school, gone on to do a college degree in any of those hated subjects, it would have done my confidence no good to be continually considered a dunce. Because I have no doubts at all that I'd continue to be terrible at them. On the other hand, I effortlessly achieved the top rank in college and was a gold medallist – because I was studying something I loved, something at which I was very good. Believe me, quitting was the best thing I did.

To those people who say “You’ve got only one life, you’ve got to make a success of it”, my reply is “I’ve got only one life, and I’m going to live it as happily as possible”. That’s success enough.