Tuesday, January 25, 2011

On friends

I received this in an email from a dear friend, and rather than email it forward, I thought I'd put it on my blog - especially as it ties in with what I was trying to say (but didn't succeed well enough) in a previous post on best-friendship.

So this is for all my female bestbuddies, the women in my life who make a difference to me, to everybody who knows them, and to the world:

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman
And I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
you can see the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say : 'Let's cry together',
Another : 'Let's fight together',
Another : 'Let's walk away together'.

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself.
Those are your best friends....

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
A couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others your sisters,
And on some days your daughters.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Figure this one out

"Never the less the benefits out way the taste"

This extract is the beginning of a much longer sentence, and I had to read the whole thing four times before it began to make sense to me. Didn't want to post the entire sentence, nor say where it's from - the point isn't to embarrass the blogger, I'm just showcasing the sentence which, technically speaking, is complete in itself and doesn't need the rest of the content to help with figuring it out.

Isn't it breathtaking, though?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sunday Scribblings - "Invisible"

Older women (especially in the West) say that they become “invisible” (to service personnel like waiters, doormen, etc, I’m guessing, as well as men in general) once they cross the magic age of 40. My take on that is that no matter what your age, you’re invisible if you’re the quiet, shy type who doesn’t like drawing attention to herself by a raised voice – witness me.

The moral of this is - if you want attention, be the vessel that makes the most noise.

Being an empty vessel, of course, is optional.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

On best-friendship

I’ve read various articles – written by women – saying that women can be each other’s worst enemies (this I believe); but there are also those who say that women can never truly be best friends. And by “best friends” what do they mean? To never feel a moment’s jealousy, envy or irritation, to always provide support no matter if the best friend is in the wrong, to never grudge them any success, to always tell the truth no matter how hurtful, and so on? Are these some of the criteria for women-as-best-friends? If yes, I have to concede truthfully that I’m probably the worst best friend a woman could ever have.

Not that I’ve ever wished any of my friends, best or second-best (to coin a term), ill. But I cannot deny that I’ve felt/thought, even if fleetingly, things like “Why can’t I be that lucky/talented/beautiful/rich/interesting/flirty/loved/(insert-envy-of-the-moment)”. I’m assuming that the various negative emotions which one experiences as a human with other humans are not magically bypassed by everyone else merely by dint of being a best friend. If that is NOT the case, I'm not just a bad best friend, I'm also a bad human being. I don't mind being one or the other, but not both at the same time. So, I prefer to believe that anybody who denies those negative feelings – no matter what gives rise to those feelings – is telling big fat porky-pies. Call me cynical, if you like. It’s no less than what I call myself.

There’s another assumption I’ve taken as universal – irritation or annoyance, at some point, for however short a time, even with the most beloved of people, even by the saintliest and gentlest of people. Since I am not saintly or gentle by a long chalk, and have a hair-trigger temper at times, these moments of annoyance and/or irritation are very much more frequent than, I imagine, they would be in persons with higher patience and tolerance levels.

Whatever. The point is, despite what I’ve said, I don’t get irritated ALL the time with everybody – it depends on the circumstances and my mood. And simply because I feel a moment of envy or despondence or annoyance with even my best friend doesn’t make me a bad best friend, in my books. I fully expect that other people find things in me that irritate them. I defy my best friends to deny this, up to and including my husband.

I figure that if you continue to want to be friends with the friends with whom you're annoyed in passing, that's a best-friendship, right there. Luckily, there are lots of people about whom I feel that way, and hopefully they feel the same about me. Again, up to and including my husband. (And those people with whom I don't feel like pursuing a friendship-after-irritation - well, they might not know who they are, but I sure do!)

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Baby babble

As the proud and adoring athai (paternal aunt) of an unbelievably cute, doe-eyed, intelligent, nearly 6-month-old niece, I am beginning to understand the compulsion that drives parents - especially new ones - to gush about their offspring and said offspring's day-to-day "achievements".

Because, believe me, it's only with the greatest difficulty that I'm stopping myself from burbling about my niece and her daily achievements (those that I noticed in the two weeks I was in Boston in the run-up to Christmas 2010, I mean) to anybody I meet. Not to mention, thrust her photo in their face and force them to admit that she's cuter than a bunch of buttons.

Understanding the compulsion of new parents doesn't mean that I tolerate adult babble, though... *EXCEPT when I'M doing the babbling about MY beautiful niece. But of course.

*Were you concerned that I had become a better, more saintly person for being an aunt? Not to worry, still the same old me in this new year!